I just thought these were funny ..

[Scholesy]

... and I've been meaning to post it for a while ... Tommy Cooper will probably be a new name to most of you but to me he is one of my heros, just funny, plain funny .. here are some of my favourite quotes from him ...

"I bumped into an old acquaintance the other day; he told me
he had taken a job as a postman. He said it was better than
walking the streets

"My mother was always pulling my leg, that's why one is
six inches longer than the other."

"Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library
and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do
the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in."
Saw a friend the other day And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?'
He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can
you give me a lift?” I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your
oyster, go for it.'

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving
today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice."

"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy
an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?’ I said 'We'll start
with one.’ He said 'Knickerbocker glory?’ I said 'I do get a certain
amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'

I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.’ He said 'To
camp?’ I said butchly! 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.’ I said 'I
also want to buy a caravan.’ He said 'Camper?’ I said campily! 'Make
your mind up.'

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah.” I said "Why?” He
said "My dog's died.'"

"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and
said 'Who's speaking please?’ And a voice said 'You are.'"

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local
swimming baths?’ He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"

Brilliant! Just brilliant! 🕺

[montgjules]

Thanks Scholesy... very funny!

[DadOf8]

Hilarious. Normally I would have just given you rep and kept silent, but, well, I don't need to explain.