Some funnies for you guys :-)

[MomOf8]

Starkle, starkle, little twink,

Who the hell are you I think.

I'm not under what you call

The alcofluence of incohol.

I'm just a little slort of sheep,

I'm not drunk like thinkle peep.

I don't know who is me yet,

But the drunker I stand here the longer I get.

So just give me one more fink to drill my cup,

Cause I got all day sober to Sunday up
------------------------------------------
It was 2:00 a.m. and a California Highway Patrol officer was sitting behind a billboard, eating a donut and watching his radar gun. Suddenly WHOOOOOM!!!! A car speeds past him topping out at 104 miles per hour. The cop jumps in his car and chases after the reckless driver.

He sees the speeding car weaving all over the road, and when the cop put on his siren, the driver panicked and drove into the oncoming traffic lane. He zoomed past cars and trucks, all frantically skidding and honking their horns. Somehow the cop was able to keep pace with the guy, and the driver did a 180 and drove in the opposite direction. The cop did a U-Turn and followed the car, and watched the guy break through a guard rail, over a cliff and land safely on the road below, only to have the car engine start smoking and die.

The cop scrambled down the cliff to find the driver staggering out of his car, obviously drunk.

“Are you drunk or something?” he screamed at the driver.

”Of course,” replied the guy, “You think I’d ride this scary roller-coaster sober?”
-----------------------------------------------
Paddy O' Leary had spent the eve drinking at the local tavern. He knew he had a long walk home, so though he was a wee tipsy, he recalled a shortcut through the town's cemetery.

Paddy staggered 'round the graves, but lost his footing and fell into a hole dug for a burial the following day. He passed out when he hit bottom.

Upon awakening the next morn, Paddy stood up and realized where he was-- and promptly shouted "Glory Be to GOD! 'Tis the Resurrection Day-- and I'm the first one up!"